Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A Tale of Two Transcripts: Anthony Weiner vs. Silvio Berlusconi

Or, why Anthony Weiner has nothing on Uncle Silvio

Or, who would you rather?

Even frescoes can't escape his grasp
Someone's been working out...?

I don't have much to add to the commentary that's overtaken the internetz about the lying Weiner, but I feel like a side by side comparison of two transcripts from our most recent naughty politician and the world's skeezer-in-chief might put this whole cock-shotting, facebook-sexing kerfluffle in perspective.

The following is a facebook chat between Weiner and Laura Weiss, a blackjack dealer in Vegas, published by RadarOnline.

Weiner: ridiculous bulge in my shorts now. wanna see?
Weiss: Yea! can u send a pic? I want to sit on your cock so bad right now.
Weiner: jeez, im rushing. let me take a quick pic
Weiss: do I get it? right on here?
Weiss: how r u gonna go to work with a raging hard on?
Weiner: it wont go away. and now im taking pics of it, making me harder still
Weiss: so hot! u ar making me wet again.
Weiner: jeez, i have to go. ill hit you later.
Weiner: off to the shower. this thing is bobbing up and down
Weiss: aahhh...wish I was in the shower with you to help
Weiner: you give good head?
Weiss: ive been told really good... and i love doing it
Weiner: wow a jewish girl who sucks dick. this thing is ready to do damage

This is a grown, married man and a grown woman having a private sexy chat, no exchange of money, no breaking of laws, 100% consensual. Kinda the most unsexy thing you've ever read, right? Like two illiterate thirteen year-olds cyberring on AOL for the first time in 1996, one of which just got their first boner.

Now, just for fun, let's compare and contrast with a little transcript of a wiretapped phone conversation between Silvio Berlusconi and Patrizia D'Addario from 2009.

Can't wait to have awkward sex with you
D'Addario: Pronto? (Hello?)
Berlusconi: Come stai questa mattina? (How are you this mooring?)
D'Addario: Come stai? (How are you?)
Berlusconi: Questa mattina (This morning)
D'Addario: Bene (I'm well)
Berlusconi: Tutto bene? (All is well?)
D'Addario: Si..tu? (Yes… And you?)
Berlusconi: Io si, ho lavorato tanto, questa mattina sono andato a inaugurare questa mostra, ho fatto un bellissimo discorso, con applauso e non sembravo stanco (Me? Yes, I worked a lot, tris morning I went to inaugurate tris exhibit, I made a great speech, with applause and I didn't seme tired.)
D'Addario: Eh infatti come me, io non ho sonno non ho dormito, è andata via solo la mia voce (Eh, in fact like me, I wasn't tired, I didn't sleep, the only thing is I lost my voice)
Berlusconi: Beh come mai? Non abbiamo gridato (Beh, how come? We didn't scream.)
D'Addario: Eh eppure non ho urlato, chissà perché è andata via la voce, sai perché? Perché ho fatto la doccia, 10 volte con l'acqua ghiacciata perché avevo caldo (Yes, even though I didn't scream. Who knows why my voice went way. You know why? Because I took a shower ten times with ice water because I was hot.)
Berlusconi: Va bene senti, tutto bene? (Well good. Listen, you're well?)
D'Addario: Si tutto bene (Yes, all good.)
Berlusconi: Hanno consumato, io sto partendo adesso per Mosca (They're done, I'm leaving now for Moscow)
D'Addario: Va bene (Ok.)
Berlusconi: Ti chiamo domani quando torno eh?! (I'll call you tomorrow when I get back, ok?!!)
D'Addario: Ok, un bacione forte anche a te (Ok a big strong kiss to you)
Berlusconi: ciao
D'Addario: ciao
Berlusconi: ciao tesoro (Ciao, my treasure)

This is a grown, married man and a grown woman having a private sexy chat, the morning after a rendezvous in the official PM residence, on a bed that was a gift from Putin, after the exchange of thousands of euros for sexual services rendered. Kinda sexier than the Weiner chat--Italian can make anything sound nice--but oh-so-much lawbreaking! And this is the tamest stuff Uncle Silvio is accused of.

What's my point? I guess that Weinergate could be worse. I guess the fact that Weiner's behavior inspires such opprobrium, puritanical that it is, takes the slope out of the slip towards wholesale acceptance of louche behavior from public officials.  Then again, not like the threat of public disapproval prevents such behavior from occurring again and again. cf. John Edwards, David Vitter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, DSK (pre-rapey), Elliot Spitzer, etc. ad infinitum.

But whatever, pat on the back, America! USA! USA!

Here's a link to the transcript of the entire, sordid Weiss-Weiner e-relationship. I don't recommend unless you have a very strong stomach.  

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